


The Drop

by illyriantremors



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 12:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10809018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illyriantremors/pseuds/illyriantremors
Summary: Azriel and Mor flying together and talking about things.





	The Drop

**Author's Note:**

> This is really short and all dialogue. It's not spoilery for ACOWAR at all I promise, but rather it's just something I've been wanting to get off my chest and work through with the characters in reaction to ACOWAR and problems in my own headspace. I'm sorry it's just this small piece of nothing for the most part, but I didn't feel comfortable putting it on Tumblr yet, so here it goes.
> 
> <3

Do you ever think about the drop, Az?

Sometimes.

When was the first time?

The first time?

Mhm.

Two months after they dropped me in the camps to train.

Why then?

Because training was hard, and flying wasn't any easier. And even though something in my lungs screamed at me that being so high up was right, my head still believed I was meant to be underground in the dark. It was like being in the sunlight and seeing only clouds, only black. Feeling only cold even when I knew it was hot. I would fly alone when they told me not to, that I'd likely fall without supervision and no one would care enough to catch me. I would stay low, fly like we are now, but I'd wonder what it would be like to go high where the currents were charging and just... stop.

Did you ever come close to-

No, not once. I only wondered. And somehow, it was enough for a while.

What changed?

I got addicted. And there was death. So much _senseless_ death. I'd go flying every morning just to see if the sun was still black and think of what it might feel like to let go, snap my wings in tight, and burn. And then one day... you were sitting on the ledge of that cliff waiting before I had the chance to even jump. I'd only just met you. And you'd never seen the sun either.

I remember that day. Rhys brought me. He knew what was going to happen and I had begged him to help. So he'd brought me to the camps. I asked you to take me flying that day.

Mhm.

But you were up there to-

No. And... yes.

But you said-

I picked you up. I had no choice. I couldn't tell you and then very well jump off to fly anyway. And then the wind caught your hair. You screamed.

And you laughed.

Yeah, I did.

And then?

And then you smiled. And I never thought about falling again for a long, long while. The sun was suddenly... very bright.

It was bright for me too that day. You never told me any of this. I thought you were up there to see the sun rise.

Maybe we were up there for the same reasons.

You never dropped me once.

Be careful what you-

Don't you dare!

I would never.

I know.

I almost did though. Once.

What? When?

Two weeks after I promised myself I wouldn't.

That's not possible. Rhys saw you bring me back. Said he'd never seen you hold anything so carefully as you'd flown me.

Flying you wasn't the problem.

What was?

Picking you up. Finding you and not knowing if you had already closed your eyes and decided to fall without allowing me the privilege of watching you. Or going with you.

Azriel.

Morrigan.

Azriel-

It's true.

I know.

...

...

Do you ever think about the drop? Or something like it.

No. Maybe. Once. But that was a very, very long time ago.

Why did you ask?

Because you come back empty sometimes and I don't know if when you go to sleep, if you're still flying or not.

Sometimes I am.

When?

When I hit the bed and the shadows aren't called to move, only stand, cast by furniture and not darkness. When the bed is cold. When more than a wall separates us. When you're in the Hewn City and I go mad wondering if you'll come back butchered again. If you'll leave me.

I'll never leave you, Az. So long as you don't mind that... so long as you want-

Always. I always want this.

Me too. Is that... selfish.

Maybe. Does it matter?

Maybe. Does it matter to you?

No.

Why not?

Because you are the sun. And I can't live in only darkness.

Me neither, Az. Me neither.

Promise me.

I promise.

...

...

...

Azriel?

Yeah, Mor.

Fly higher.

Okay, Mor.

You promise?

I promise.


End file.
